-Ned Hepburn, bonerparty.tumblr.com
If I could go back and give my thirteen year old self some advice, the main thing I'd tell him would be to stick his head up and look around. I didn't really grasp it at the time, but the whole world we lived in was as fake as a Twinkie. Not just school, but the entire town. Why do people move to suburbia? To have kids! So no wonder it seemed boring and sterile. The whole place was a giant nursery, an artificial town created explicitly for the purpose of breeding children.
Where I grew up, it felt as if there was nowhere to go, and nothing to do. This was no accident. Suburbs are deliberately designed to exclude the outside world, because it contains things that could endanger children.
And as for the schools, they were just holding pens within this fake world. Officially the purpose of schools is to teach kids. In fact their primary purpose is to keep kids locked up in one place for a big chunk of the day so adults can get things done. And I have no problem with this: in a specialized industrial society, it would be a disaster to have kids running around loose."
"As far as I can tell, the concept of the hormone-crazed teenager is coeval with suburbia. I don't think this is a coincidence. I think teenagers are driven crazy by the life they're made to lead. Teenage apprentices in the Renaissance were working dogs. Teenagers now are neurotic lapdogs. Their craziness is the craziness of the idle everywhere."
-www.paulgraham.com/nerds.html
The bad: I have a savage case of marksman's blue balls. Dre and I were going to go shooting after class, but the Sunnyvale Rod and Gun Club was closed. And I failed to find the Los Altos one. I've been there once before, but I must have drove right by it. I drove for a fucking hour and a half up Skyline, up to fucking Woodside, and found that there is more than one 14750 Skyline Boulevard in that general area. I was fucking pissed. And Dre spent like 100 bucks preparing for this: ammo (admittedly at my encouragement, since I had no 9mm FMJ to use, only the expensive JHP rounds which I keep on hand on the off chance I ever have cause to shoot at a living thing; and it was really expensive at Big 5, like 27 bucks a box. This isn't fucking .50 AE, 9mm Luger FMJ should not cost that much), targets, earmuffs and shooting glasses. I guess I will be sitting on that shit until next week, since she went to get her hair did and hang out with Evan, and never came back.
I am generally really frustrated and angry and bored and MREH. So what else is new.
GRAAAR. I got a 57 fucking percent on my stats test, and I know I did not get an A on my precalc test today. And I came up one point shy of an A on my last Spanish test. I don't even have words for how pissed off I am. What the fuck do I have to do to make my brain actually work? I do my homework, I usually show up, I care about the material AND the grade, yet my best is never good enough. It's not the frustration I mind, so much as the permanent repercussions. I don't get to take my time to master the material, I have to master it completely and rapidly so I can regurgitate it on cue for the tests, and if I don't, I get a shitty grade, no retries. I'm not retarded, but I cannot learn as fast as I'm expected, the way I'm expected to learn. Lectures are largely pointless to me, it goes in one ear and out the other. I learn by reading, then doing. And doing, and doing. This is why I think anyone who pays lip service to my intelligence is probably full of shit. I might have another learning disability as well as ADD.
And my grandfather is dying, and I haven't had the opportunity to visit him. I'll survive if I don't get to, but I will feel kinda bad. He's a nice old guy.
On the plus side, my financial aid has finally been processed, so that money should be in my hands next week. So I can finally get the bill collectors off my jock, get my phone turned back on, and maybe book my trip to Chicago.
Going by the IGETC, after this semester's math classes, I just need to take Music 16, two more social sciences (probably General Psych and Intro to Sociology), and one or two physical sciences. I would need another humanities, but apparently Spanish 2 counts as such. After that, whammy, no more general ed. I assume I will need some comp sci classes to get an AS in "Computer Information Systems" or whatever, but then I stick a fork in that bitch. I can apply for my AS, and start applying to universities and see who will have me. (At least, according to AT, it's pretty easy to get into UIC undergrad programs, if you're not an idiot. I don't expect to get into UCB when my final GPA will probably be like 3.3, maybe 3.5 if I pick up some A's in those social sciences and art classes and/or get the two W's and one D taken off my transcript, but that's where I'm setting my sights. If I don't quite measure up to that, I'm sure I'll have no trouble getting into someplace a little less prestigious.) Then, wooohooo, real college! I've never attended a real university. It's probably not as much fun as some would have us all think.
"11 AM: Wake up. 11 AM -1 PM : Lie very still, staring at the ceiling. 1 PM - 3 PM : Hot gay sex. 3 PM- 4 PM : Yesterday's Indian takeout, plus unidentified pills, washed down with shots of vodka. 4 PM -7 PM : Defecate prolifically. 7 PM -11 PM : Burn down Protestant churches while brutal Scandinavian metal blares in the background. 11 PM -1 AM : Hot straight sex with Pastor Alfred's 15 year old daughter. 1 AM - 2 AM : Huge rails of cocaine with aforementioned preacher's daughter. 2 AM -4 AM : More sex. 4 AM - 6 AM : Argue and scream until we forget what we're yelling about. 6 AM - 7 AM : Makeup sex. 7 AM - 12 PM : Fitful sleep, interspersed with paranoid delusions. 12:30 PM : Jump out the window. 1 PM : Suck a dude's dick. 1:30 PM : Score some coke. 2 PM : Crash my car. 2:30 PM : Suck my own dick. 3 PM : Eat some chicken strips. "
Mmmmaybe I have been watching too much Skins. I've been hooked on that show. It's totally vicarious but I love it. It's also a veritable feast of barely legal Bristolian eye candy.
So I think I'm gonna try and get out of this. I don't have time, in the "I'm going to die someday" sense. Considering I'm fairly young and (physically) healthy, I'm very keenly aware of my own mortality. I'm constantly frustrated that I don't feel like I'm living life to the fullest, because I have all these fears and attachments and anxieties and, to my credit, common sense, stopping me. I'm twenty-fucking-seven, I can't believe it. If only everyone genuinely believed you're only as young as you feel, cos I feel like I'm 20. Really, that's why I'm in such a hurry to get educated and get a real job, cos I'm too old to keep being a slackass fuckup. It's just societal pressure, nothing more.
"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away." -Philip K. Dick
From condicondi.tumblr.com:
THE GUIDE TO BEING SO CHOICE aka How Sloane Peterson from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off Taught me how to be an Awesome Girlfriend.
- Get along with his friends if you don’t get along with his friends you are done. seriously. That is number 1. Even if you think his friends are uptight weirdos or hypochondriac freaks, HEY, he is friends with them for a reason, so cut the shit. You’ve probably got some weird and crappy friends too…
- Rein him in, but only when necessary you are his girlfriend, not his mother. If he wants to sing to the city on a giant float, let him do it. He’s a big man and he can deal with the consequences. You can nicely remind him, Look, if you do that there might be trouble, but if you throw a bitch fit and give him the silent treatmeant you will look fucking retarded when he has a new girlfriend on his arm from the impressive stunts he’s pulled.
- Be funny “He’s licking the glass and making obscene gestures with his hands.” simple as that.
- Be confident Look, one of the reasons Ferris loved her was because she was cool and classy lady, she didn’t stress. She uttered the words and believed “He’s gonna marry me.” She probably knows if her boyfriend was running through a backyard and saw 2 girls tanning he probably would stop and say hello, but she also knows that he would spend hours of stress and risk his neck to get her out of school to just see her. Relax. You have him. He’s not going anywhere, and if he talks to other girls who the fuck cares YOU are the one he wants to marry.
- Say Eloquent Shit did Sloane ever use the word “like” as much as you do in your daily conversation? No. Drop the habit that makes you seem like a dumb valley girl and trade it for stellar vocab terms like “warmth & compassion” and “devastatingly handsome.” Once you’ve mastered talking like an adult, you’ll be able to spew pearls of poetry like “The city looks so peaceful from up here…”
- Pack lightly ever notice how tiny Sloane’s purse was? The bigger the purse, the lamer the girl. Its called baggage for a reason.
- Be able to keep up with the boys Hey, if you’ve got cramps, take a fucking midol and strap in. You don’t ever wanna be the girlfriend who is a drag and never wants to go out. A girl who can say she cruised with the top down in a convertible, swung by the Stock Exchange, and took in a Cubs game all in one day, is sorta girl who you wanna keep around.
- Look badass in a jacket with fringe The End.
Watching "Saving Silverman". It's very goofy but kinda amusing. Being the ghetto bastard I am, I keep thinking "this bitch needs a slap. Just one sincere and proper slap in the face, and to be addressed as 'bitch'." She is clearly intelligent, and way tougher than you'd expect, but the goofy part is that these guys are dumb enough to fall for her obvious manipulation. It is amusing how they try to be mean but they're so bad at it; they make me look like U Turn. I mean, as long as you're staring down the barrel of kidnapping charges, you may as well do it right: with a thug mentality. Whereas Darren is just a pathetic schmuck. But I like Jason Biggs, he seems like the kind of dude you can chill with. It's just a shame he's always in movies that bomb.
And as it's almost a shame that Judith isn't going to get killed. This isn't quite that dark a comedy. It does sharply illustrate the power of personality, though: the actresses portraying Judith and Sandy are both cute, thin white girls named Amanda, but the latter seems way more attractive because she isn't a heinous bitch. The ending, however, is weirdly charming, in a very cheesy Shakespearean way. In fact, the plot of this movie could easily be based on a Shakespearean comedy.
"normal girls (i.e who don’t know who Pavement are) are the best because you come from this whole other world where there is no Axe deodrant and no-one really gives a shit about Gossip Girl.
its like that song in Aladdin except you’re telling them about which taco places are open 24 hours and how rad The Smiths are." -boner party
It's kinda great, actually. I've wasted way too much time and effort in the last 10 years chasing skirts. It's just as much of a waste of time being attracted or having feelings for anyone as it is fucking around with broads I'm not enthused about. I've been saying this for some time, but I think I'm really starting to feel it now: I need to sort my life out before I can bother with skirts. Money is attractive in itself, and even moreso the confidence that comes with being a bloke who's got some money, who's got his life more or less sorted. I don't have money and my life is not at all sorted, hence I lack confidence.
In the meanwhile, I will just keep going. Eatin' chicken fries, drinkin' malt liquor (or in this case, rum), trying to make some good grades in community college, sloggin' away. I can't help but feel like this whole process could be a lot faster, but I'm being held back by bureaucratic formalities and inefficiency.
- Mood:stoic
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